I wish my penis had an off switch
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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