dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
