I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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