My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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