"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Randomize
