yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
