Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
