I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
