i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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