I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
