she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
