Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
