Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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