I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
