just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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