i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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