break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
