Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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