Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
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