I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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