apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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