isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
