Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
