Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
