Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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