If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
