I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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