We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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