I love black thongs
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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