dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
