Rock
Scissors
Fuck
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
