Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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