I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
