I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
