i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
