I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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