Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
