i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
