Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
