I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
