I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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