Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
