I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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