i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
