my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I stole a fireplace last night.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
