By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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