C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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