Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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