The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
