Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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