That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
