i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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